I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
