Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
