I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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