Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
