Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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