You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm really busy with my period
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