Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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