I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
