He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
