You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
