I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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