So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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