I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
