I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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