I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
