I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
