Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So vagazzling was a success
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
