I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
