I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
