Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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