We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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