apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
