Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
