how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
