Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
did you just send me my own nude
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
