So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
