i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
