Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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