Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
