we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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