idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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