That's intense
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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