someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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