Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
