once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
