apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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