His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
