Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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