"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
