Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
