It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
