How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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