i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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