Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she looked like the before picture.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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