i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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