He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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