was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
