She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
