In the future we'll all be gay
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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