I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
