from now on my penis is your penis
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Boobs speak an international language.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
