Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
