I accidentally had phone sex last night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
