Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
