JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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