You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
