Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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