The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
